Texts From Last Night

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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?

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  (620): Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair? http://tfl.nu/bhha
  Replies (42) Good night (3130) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.

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  (724): I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass. http://tfl.nu/otet
  Replies (35) Good night (783) Bad night (7967) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?

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  (860): do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours? http://tfl.nu/hqbo
  Replies (46) Good night (2633) Bad night (8149) Order T-Shirt
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball

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  (316): his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball http://tfl.nu/2uq9
  Replies (44) Good night (3838) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.

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  (336): This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level. http://tfl.nu/cqt6
  Replies (12) Good night (4047) Bad night (1108) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'

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  (630): I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..' http://tfl.nu/mj73
  Replies (6) Good night (2787) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.

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  (605): He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth. http://tfl.nu/s2q9
  Replies (11) Good night (1367) Bad night (5610) Order T-Shirt
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  (951): View more from California

  I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.

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  (951): I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here. http://tfl.nu/bc0s
  Replies (4) Good night (1110) Bad night (2120)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?

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  (502): I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that? http://tfl.nu/7r6j
  Replies (14) Good night (1144) Bad night (1562)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?

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  (514): I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!? http://tfl.nu/cwiy
  Replies (16) Good night (782) Bad night (2076) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas

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  (661): It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas http://tfl.nu/7a5h
  Replies (9) Good night (1412) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.

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  (970): I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk. http://tfl.nu/5c91
  Replies (11) Good night (1088) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
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  (626): View more from California

  Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.

  (1-626): View more from California

  This is why you don't have nice things.

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  (626): Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread. (1-626): This is why you don't have nice things. http://tfl.nu/swqp
  Replies (3) Good night (1288) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.

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  (541): Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground. http://tfl.nu/5mkq
  Replies (1) Good night (743) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.

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  (727): Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch. http://tfl.nu/2pha
  Replies (3) Good night (1128) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt

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