this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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