Pappa wants mamma naked
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize