Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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