apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize