I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize