watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize