haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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