I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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