if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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