good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize