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we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Randomize
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