i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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