As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
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She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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