I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
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I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
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Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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