Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize