just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize