Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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