and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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