angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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