so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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