On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize