I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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