Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
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No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
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Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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