well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
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To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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