I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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