apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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