Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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