dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize