you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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