I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Pooping to opera.
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