Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Sponge bath it is.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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