Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
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It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
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Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I am naked and annoyed.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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