Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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