Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
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No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
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And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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