you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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