i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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