I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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