Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize