Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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