You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I am midnight drunk by noon
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he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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