She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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