2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
