I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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