he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
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All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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you never un-have a 4some
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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