Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
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I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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