I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
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he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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