a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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