I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize