a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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