I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
