STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
