you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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