my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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