how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
